Incident #29

This morning I woke up and made my way to the bathroom in the style akin to a zombie extra on The Walking Dead. I then jumped in the shower in an attempt to wake myself up as well as get cleaned. I instantly realized something was wrong. I had not taken my socks off prior to jumping in the shower. It's safe to say I needed coffee.

Incident #28

I recently remembered my coffee pot has a delay brew button which has prevented me from having early morning coffee flubs, hence the long gap in posts. But never fear, nothing but properly administered caffeine can stop my mishappenings.

I got my coffee all ready to brew and set the delay timer and headed to bed. I awoke the next morning and zombie-stumbled to the coffee pot and poured a cup. I took a big sip of what turned out to be cold coffee. Turns out I hadn't hit the delay brew button and had just hit the brew button before going to bed. I needed (hot) coffee.

Incident #27

I went home for lunch today and decided to brew a fresh pot of coffee instead of buying a cup from somewhere. I ate lunch, poured the coffee into my travel mug and went back to work. Upon arriving back at work I realized I had left my coffee mug and coffee at home. I needed coffee.

Incident #26

This morning I couldn't even stay awake long enough to make coffee. I tried to convince my dog to make it but she seemed too tired as well. I needed coffee.

Incident #25

This morning I poured my dog's food into her waterbowl, which was full of water. I tried to convince her it was doggy cereal, but really, the truth was, I needed coffee.

Incident #24

This morning while getting ready for work I suddenly realized I had been standing in the middle of my dining room staring off into space for an unknown period of time. When I did become aware of this I felt obligated to start moving again but couldn't remember what task I had been in the middle of. I needed coffee.

Incident #23

Today I arrived at work and tried to log on to my computer. After quite a few failed attempts I was growing increasingly frustrated as I slowly and aggressively typed in each letter of my username and each letter/number/character of my password double checking the whole time that I wasn't missing a single stroke. As I began dialing our IT department I realized that I had spent the last 10 minutes trying to log in to my work computer with my personal email username and password. I tried with the correct username and password and the computer "Welcomed" me. I needed coffee.

Incident #22

I woke up this lovely Saturday morning and as per usual headed right to the coffee pot. As I was about to put a filter in, I noticed the filter cup had coffee grains in it, I then took it out so I could clean it. Upon getting to the sink I saw I had dishes from yesterday so I got distracted and started cleaning them. When I got to a coffee mug I remembered I needed to make coffee. I went back to the coffee machine and ground my beans, put it in the filter, filled it with water and put the pot back under the machine and pushed start thinking everything was in its place. Then I went back to dishes (holy productivity pre-coffee!) and that's when I picked up the filter cup and gave an awkward look back at the coffee pot which was spitting coffee and ground beans all over the counter. I needed coffee.

Incident #21

This morning I woke up and discovered my coffee grinder had gone on strike (stopped working). First I started chopping my beans but that was taking far too long. Suddenly an idea popped into my head. Now usually I ignore all "ideas" that I come up with prior to coffee for my own safety, but I was desperate. I grabbed my food processor and began putting it together. It was going just fine until I tried to remove the unneeded slicer and slice indeed it did, to my finger. I needed coffee (and now stitches).

Incident #18

I went to Lowe's (because that's the best way to start out a Sunday morning) for various items for my rental unit. I picked up some paint and the Lowe's employee asked me what I was painting. I replied with what I thought was a reasonable answer "A wall." She looked at me as if I were crazy and said "I would hope so!" followed by laughter. Apparently I was supposed to be more specific. I just didn't understand. I needed coffee.

Incident #17

This morning began like any other. Alarm went off, I promptly hit snooze, it persisted 9 minutes later and I got up. I assume I went about my usual business of showering, dressing, taking the dog out, but to be honest I can't really remember anything until that first sip of coffee. I was running late so I grabbed a cup from the coffee place around the corner and was drinking it while driving. Everything was fine until the lid popped off and hot coffee poured (it was more of a pour than a spill) onto my lap. I guess I was not awake enough to put the lid on properly. I needed coffee.

Incident #13

I was trying to decide what to make for breakfast today. I walked into the kitchen and stood there for awhile trying to remember what I went there to do. In my mind I ran through a checklist: Coffee was brewing, and the travel mug was out and ready so what could it be. After 5 minutes of idle standing I returned to the living room where I suddenly remembered (thanks to a growl from my stomach) that I wanted to make breakfast. Back to the kitchen and I made a yogurt, fruit and granola parfait and packed it for work. I poured delicious organic and fair trade coffee into my new travel mug and grabbed my keys and headed to work. As I arrived I realized my delicious breakfast and coffee were likely still on the counter or being enjoyed by my dog. Oh Mondays. I needed coffee.

Incident #12

This morning I realized I needed to iron my pants before work because despite being wrinkle resistant they were wrinkly. I got the ironing board out and the iron and waited for the iron to heat up. I began ironing the pants...the khakis didn't react to being pressed by the iron, so I pressed harder. After 15 minutes I ran out of patience just to realize I had never plugged in the iron. I needed coffee.

Incident #11

Today I woke up to discover I needed more coffee, so I went to the grocery store and bought a bag of a dark roast houseblend. I got home put some beans in the grinder and filled my filter and poured water into the coffee maker and turned it on. The coffee began brewing and smelled great, I could already taste the first sip. I glanced at the bag of coffee as I put it away and a word in green caught my eye "Decaffeinated" Awesome, I needed my morning caffeine and I went and bought myself coffee, sans the caffeine. Let's see if I can trick my body with a placebo. I needed coffee!

Incident # 10

Today I woke up and wanted coffee, as per usual. I ground the beans and put them in the filter and turned on the coffee pot and went off to shower. After my shower I grabbed my favorite coffee mug and went to the coffee pot to find it was empty. I checked to make sure it was on and it was. Then I realized I could even hear it going, but still no coffee. I figured out the problem after examining the pot. I hadn't put any water in it. I needed coffee.

Incident #9

Today I decided to use my french press. I put water in my tea kettle and waited for it to make that hissing sound. Five minutes passed and no hissing. Ten minutes passed and no hissing. I walked into the kitchen to realize I hadn't put the lid on the tea kettle. I needed coffee.

Incident #8

Today I was in the middle of the clean up part of packing and moving. I was vacuuming when suddenly my vacuum would no longer reach from the outlet it was plugged into. I walked across the room unplugged it and plugged it into another outlet. The vacuum still wouldn't reach. I looked back to realize I had moved the cord to the lower plug of the same outlet. I needed coffee.

Incident #7

Last night I worked an overnight shift. When I left this morning I walked out to my car to find my windows were down because I never put them up when I arrived at work some 10 hours ago. I needed coffee.

Incident #6

Today I stopped by a coffee shop (surprise) and handed the cashier my debit card. She took it and swiped it and then looked at it and handed it back to me. It was my driver's license. I needed coffee. (Though since the cashier took it and tried to swipe it I argue she needed coffee too.)

Incident #5

Today I couldn't find my keys. I looked high and low for 15 minutes (which is a long time to look for keys in my small apartment). Finally I found them. They were in my hand. I needed coffee.